Our families are such important people in our lives. They are sources of love, support, friendship and kindness and are usually who we turn to when things are going wrong. Being a good parent, child, brother or sister is something which gives us pride, purpose and so much positive encouragement for doing better and achieving more.
But when addiction is a factor in our lives, our family life is at risk. The wellbeing of our loved ones is in danger. It can stop us from being there for the people who need us most and lead to long lasting and wide-reaching impacts on us and our family members. Addiction turns us from a decent person into a monster.
Most addicts find themselves at rock bottom, without a support network, as they have lied, cheated and betrayed their families too many times. Their families are angry, hurt and no longer believe that things can change and this can make the spiral descend even deeper. We’ve seen people come to us having gone through terrible divorces, estrangement from parents and with their children taken into care, all because their addiction had broken the bonds of family and left them alone.
It’s a sad thing to see, and takes a lot to recover from, but it is possible, with hard work, dedication to change and the right support. We’ve seen firsthand, that people can change their lives around and rebuild these relationships and know that no matter how bad things are, there is a way back!
In this article, we’re going to look at the damage that addiction does to families and then how addiction treatment can support both the client and their families to recover, heal and start to rebuild those bonds.
If you’re scared of losing your family because of your addiction, contact us today and let us help you to overcome it.
The impact on families of addiction
Divorce is a common side-effect of addiction. Addicts lie, cheat and hide their behaviours, setting up barriers to a normal, loving relationship. Spouses will often try and get their loved ones help, but unfortunately an addict is not able to accept help until they are ready. That’s why it’s no surprise that researchers in Sweden found that 7.3% of marriages end in divorce due to drug or alcohol addiction.
Another reason for marriage breakdowns, is the impact on children of living with one or more care givers who are addicted to drugs or alcohol.
An American paper on the impact of substance use disorders on families and children estimated that in the US alone, more than eight million children younger than age 18 live with at least one adult who has a SUD. That is more than one in 10 children and sadly, the majority of these children are below 5 years old.
The paper explains that “studies of families with SUDs reveal patterns that significantly influence child development and the likelihood that a child will struggle with emotional, behavioural, or substance use problems. The negative impacts of parental SUDs on the family include disruption of attachment, rituals, roles, routines, communication, social life, and finances. Families in which there is a parental SUD are characterized by an environment of secrecy, loss, conflict, violence or abuse, emotional chaos, role reversal, and fear.”
The NSPCC explains the impact further; “Living in a household where a parent or carer has a substance use problem doesn’t mean a child will experience abuse, but it does make it more difficult for parents to provide safe and loving care. This can lead to abuse or neglect.
Abuse and neglect are types of adverse childhood experiences (ACEs), which can affect the healthy development of children’s brains. The impacts of abuse and neglect on children’s brains can stretch beyond childhood and into adulthood.
Possible impacts include:
- impaired cognitive development, for example reduced impulse control
- inhibited executive function skills, such as problems with learning and memory
- weakened immune system”
Children should not be growing up in this environment and so many partners will divorce their addicted spouse to protect themselves and their children from this behaviour.
In single parent families, or where both parents are suffering from addiction, things get even worse for children and many are removed from their families and put into care. Sadly, this is rising, with a 53% increase in children entering foster care due to parental drug abuse in the US, between 2007 and 2017.
Children with addiction in their lives often become estranged from their families and lack the support structure they need to become functioning adults.
You don’t want to feel the guilt and shame of being the cause of hurt for your children.
You don’t want to be left alone to face your later years without anyone to rely on.
Only by conquering your addiction can you stop this destruction and turn your life around and repair the damage you have caused on your family.
Rehab helps families too
We always say that families are not forgotten at The Bridge! That’s because we want to support the families and help them to understand why their loved one has acted this way, and give them therapy and support to ensure they don’t follow the same path.
Addiction puts a huge strain on the whole family and as we’ve shown above, causes lasting damage, particularly for children of addicts. But many rehabilitation centres don’t take the time to communicate with the families, or offer them therapy and an involvement in the recovery process. This leaves them feeling worried and frustrated. It also means they aren’t able to support their family member when they get out of rehab, increasing their risk of relapse.
So, at The Bridge, the whole family is involved with the recovery process, and we take time to rebuild communication and trust, and rebuild the relationships that will lead to positive outcomes for them all. Find out more about why family therapy is so important when dealing with addictions.
It’s never too late to change
Never say it’s too late! We recently helped a man in his 70s who came to us to finally face his addiction after more than 50 years of alcohol addiction. He knew he’d let his family down, he’d lost his wife, lost his relationship with his children, lost his reputation and his fortune and was at rock bottom.
But he was inspired by the birth of his grandchild, to not continue to let his family down and to be a better Grandfather than he was able to be a father. He contacted us and threw himself into the recovery process and with our help, he started to communicate with his family again, building up trust and asking for forgiveness. Read his story
If he can do it, after all those years, and all the hurt, so can you!
Get help as soon as you can to reduce the damage that addiction causes to you and your family.
Contact us and let us help you not lose your family to addiction.
